Do you explode with anger when things are not going as planned or expected?
Do you find yourself tongue-tied when you’d rather speak up?
Do you feel overwhelmed and helpless when you experience mood swings in your interactions?
Are you asking yourself “What was I thinking?” more often than you like?
I hope my suggestions and tips will help you:
– get back control over your reactions,
– minimize the consequences,
– have more inner peace
– and behave more in alignment with your values and goals
So let’s get started with what you can do in the heat of the moment.
Step #1 W.A.I.T.
Wait like in “pause” and wait like in “Why Am I Thinking?”
Why am I thinking…
… and preparing my reply in my head, when the other person has just started expressing their point of view?
… how to punish the other person for interrupting me, when I might have a better chance to be listened to if I let them finish their part?
… when it’s my time to listen? I am sure you know the saying “We have one mouth and two ears so that we listen twice as much as we speak.”
In moments like this, if you are thinking, you are judging. And if you are judging, you are stirring your emotions, instead of controlling them.
How do you stop thinking (and judging) and start listening? By going to the next step…
Step #2 Bring your ATTENTION to the present moment.
Here and now.
What is happening?
What is the other person saying?
Can you guess how they are feeling?
Can you guess what makes them act like they’re acting?
Can you see them as another human being with their needs and struggles?
You can’t have a healthy relationship without connection, and you can’t have a connection without attention.
Step #3 INTENTION
At any given moment, we are all doing our best. We are trying to meet our needs with the strategies we’ve learned and internalized so far and with the resources we have at the moment.
For example, you might not be able to keep calm because you used all your resources of calmness with your kid, this morning. Or you might not be able to focus on a kinder answer to your colleague because this meeting lasted longer than planned and you are exhausted and hungry.
However, the INTENTION will guide you to choose your words.
What’s your intention?
From what energy do you want to act on this? Punishment? Cooperation? Correction? Connection?
What do you value in the relationship with the person in front of you and in your relationships, in general?
Take a moment and set your intentions on how you want to act and speak with the next person or in general. Remind yourself this intention as often as possible.
For example, my intention is curious instead of furious.
These are my tips for you to use immediately in any situation that comes up for you.
So let’s RECAP…
When you get into that fight or flight mode, W.A.I.T. and stop thinking. Bring your attention to the present moment, and to the person in front of you. Remember your intention. That will help you navigate the interaction in alignment with your values.
I hope this helps.
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Until next time, I wish you ease and flow in everything you do.
Navigate conflict with more confidence and ease, dissolve enemy images, ask for what you want.
You can build relationships in agreement with your values and needs.